Some Ideas

I have a very poor perspective of things right now, but I'm adjusting - trying to make sense of it all.

Last year I was training and racing the best mt. bike season of my life. A year ago this weekend I was at a 12 hour endurance race (it started at midnight). My team demolished the competition. That was a lot of fun. I was at peace with myself and position in life - it's tough not to when you're winning.

With this new job, I haven't been on a bike since December. I don't see my friends anymore. I don't know or get to experience the things that used to bring me happiness. That may not necessarily mean my current situation is bad. It could just mean I haven't found the happiness yet. It could be there and I'm just not seeing it.

Yesterday I noticed for the first time a junior developer that smiles every time I approach. That's really nice. That's something I should do for others when they approach.

I have a colleague that's really smart. Between the two of us (him on the technical side and me on the functional), we're really kicking ass. We have the spotlight of our company watching us now. It's kind of cool, scary, and annoying.

Currently it doesn't bring me the joy/peace/happiness that I used to have. I either have to give it more time, or create some kind of balance. It's only been 5 months. In the scheme of things, that's not a long time.

Though winning that race last year was cool, it seems minuscule to the kind of achievement I'm on the brink of. Influencing my team, executives and customers is huge or could be huge.

I think it's simply a choice I have to make, though it will take time. Just like winning races took time.

- b