Puppy Training Sucks

We're reading all this stuff about how to properly train your puppy. I think half of it's bullshit. Ever watch dogs with each other? Are they constantly teaching other via positive feedback only? No. When a dog gets out of line with another dog, there's barking, growling and probably some nipping. Not having a very sharp bite or good growl, I resort to my bark. When puppy jumps up, I bark GET DOWN! She gets down. When the puppy chews the drywall from behind the door jam, I bark NO! She stops chewing the drywall. How the hell would I get her to learn these things otherwise? Where the hell would I find the time to teach her otherwise? Already our time is full with things like:

• Walk nice - don't pull
• Like your crate - don't whine
• Know your crate is called Condo, so when we say Condo, you go in on your own - eventually
• Know not to eliminate in your Condo
• Know your name
• Know not to chew people or their clothes
• Know not to jump up on people
• Know to pee and poop outside the house in a particular part of the yard even
• Come here
• Sit
• Don't chew the kitchen towels
• Don't chew the kitchen cabinets
• Don't chew the drywall
• Don't chew your leash
• Don't eat dead worms, slugs, snails or snakes
  
• Don't swallow the fuzz off the tennis ball
• Stand still while I pull the tennis ball fuzz you swallowed out of your butt

House breaking is particularly hard. There's no real way to teach them. They just have to figure it out - like CJ figured out the invisible fence. One day he just got it. We both know he can run through it, but one day he learned it was easier not to. Gretchen just needs to learn peeing/pooping inside isn't right. If I catch her, I could bark, but we hardly catch her. She's sneaky. I watch her like a hawk, but still she leaves puddles. She's the stealth fighter of peeing puppies. We should have bought stock in paper towels and Nature's Miracle before we got into this.I think I'm sort of shell shocked from having to keep such a watchful eye. We know she's at least capable of holding it. She just doesn't know she should. Praising her outside when she pees is sort of ridiculous. She just looks at us like we're idiots at 3:30am in the dark out behind the garage. I think part of the problem is she sat in the shelter for a week and a half in her own excrement. Not only are we teaching her something new in this department, but also breaking her of previous habits.

Luckily, she's so damn cute.

- b