Two Choices

It was 10:45pm Friday night in the tent in the Adirondacks.

For nearly three hours I had been freaking out about the cold.

Stress can manifest itself in many different ways. For me it becomes little anxiety attacks over cold. I'll get them at home where it's nice and cozy. For a brief moment, my mind will wildly wonder off worrying about cold - worrying about not being able to get warm, unable to heat the house and fall victim to hypothermia and die.

It's crazy I know.

At home I'm able to squelch the fears with logic and the comfort of my furnace in a few moments.

In a tent in the Adirondacks it's a little different.

There's always a natural anxiousness associated with sleeping outside in sub-zero temperatures. After a couple of minutes in your toasty sleeping bag, these thoughts subside and you drift off to a near comfy sleep for the night.

Stress induced anxiety is different.

I knew right from the parking lot it would be a problem. I could feel a knot in my chest waiting to explode. As we hiked in, setup camp and went about the evening tasks, the knot was controlled. It was still there, but controlled.

Once in the tent and sealed up in my bag, the knot exploded.

I didn't want to be there. Period. End of story.

I wanted to pack up and hike back out. At least then I knew I'd be warm. Lying in my bag waiting to get cold was too much.

Jeff, experienced with high levels of stress himself, tried to talk me down.

For three hours he talked about all kinds of things to help get my mind off what it didn't want to do.

We practiced breathing techniques.

I tried counting or anything other then thinking about getting cold. I never made it past 7 before the cold thoughts would creep in and force me to start over again.

He offered to stay up all night talking me away from leaving. He wasn't about to hike out. He simply couldn't haul everything we'd just hauled in back out in twelve hours time.

At 10:45 Jeff had just about given up and gave me two choices.

We could get through the night, hike up Gothics tomorrow, then hike out.

Or

We could pack up and hike out now.

Something clicked. I started thinking about the options. I really wanted to climb Gothics in the snow. I love this shit.

I was quiet for a while, so Jeff asked "What do you think?"

I said, "I'm thinking about it." and finally fell asleep.

I woke up at different points throughout the night, but felt no anxiety about the cold and went about normal middle of the night habits (e.g. wipe the frost off my nose, etc.).

The following morning I woke with the knot in my chest gone. I was rested and ready to fulfill the weekend plans - like climbing Gothics.

Saturday night was stellar. I had no issues crawling into my bag at 7pm and sleeping till 7am the next morning.

It's obvious I have some work to do. This stress is no good. Manifesting itself in ways that keeps me from enjoying the things I love and do to relieve stress is not acceptable.

1, 1,000 - 2, 1,0000 - 3, 1,000 - 4, 1,000...

- b